The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
