I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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