I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
