So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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