it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
