I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
