No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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