I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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