and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
