i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
