I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
