No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
