D3 body, D1 cock
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize