rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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