If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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