Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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