you guys were way drunker than both of me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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