I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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