i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
