At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
