I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just had sex bonerless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
