She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
