I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize
