so explain again why im purple
no
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
