Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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