He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
