I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You smell like stripper and shame
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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