butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
