I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
