anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
