Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
