making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
