I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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