arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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