somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
