I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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