Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
