I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize