sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
