Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
