Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
