coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
