when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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