smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
