the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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