last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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