He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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