I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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