If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
