I didn't shave. On purpose
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
