so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
