I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
