Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize