Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
