she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
