ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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