Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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