Soap is not a condiment
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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