by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
