dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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