I bet he comes in French.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
