I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
