its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
