I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
