had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
