even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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