Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
