Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
