so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
