Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
