I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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