i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
