If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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