All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
