what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have tasted many bathrooms
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
